Through the last few years I had blamed God for the situations in my families life. I have cursed him, hated him and totally blamed him for everything that wasn't going the way I wanted it to. I took out all personal responsibility for choices.
This choice I had made, had started to drive a wedge between Mashelle and I, I argued with her and tried to get her to see things my way, she remained steadfast in her faith in God, telling me to except that God gave us the right to choose our ways and he will not take that right away from us. She has never stopped believing in me, and trusted God to bring me back to the man I was supposed to be.
This choice has also set a very poor example to my sons, they have even taken on my anger and now curse, swear and even though they have a knowledge of God they have no drive to seek him at this time.
Over the last 3-4 weeks God has started to remind me of who I am, I am his, I belong to him. I was purchased by God through the payment of his son.
I have apologized to my family and have found that, a simple kiss as I walk out the door in the morning has gone from, just a habit to a deep feeling within of wanting to be with her more and more just to see Mashelle makes my heart skip a beat and I find myself catching my breath at the sight of her and the thought that God has placed such an incredible woman in my life.
Will I mess up again, probably, but I know that my wife is there for me, and most importantly God is there with me. Even though I hated him and cursed him God has never given up on me.
So I go forward not looking back on my past, but looking at the now. I can't change the past and I can't predict the future, all I can do is live in the now.
Philippians 1:6New American Standard Bible
6 For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.
6 For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.
